Mood: Thoughtful
Song of Choice: "If you could only see" by Tonic
Topic: The ties that bond

I've been playing Final Fantasy X a lot this week since I started way back in August and didn't remember what I had to do I had to start over but yeah I'm at the part where you have to be Yuna and your in the Via thing you know right after the trail, but that really isn't a part that sticks out in my mind neither did the wedding the part that really stuck out in my mind is when you find the first Jeckt Sphere and the whole torment that Tidus goes through with his memories.

Really on there I connect with Tidus a lot. He's kinda bitter with his father doesn't have too many fond memories and hardly likes him. The thing that really got me was just before I got to that part my dad had called from Kuwait and my mom wanted to know if I wanted to talk to him and I was like no communication sucks when he's hear a few hundred miles of distance is suppose to make it better. But I talked to him anyway. Then when I finished fakeing happy daughter I retreated to my room and started to play. My mom came in after a little while and we started to talk and she was like he really does love you and I told her that made little difference to me. Then she left me alone. Then that part with the Sphere popped up and I was like Fuck....whatever.

To tell the truth my dad hasn't really truely done anything particularly wrong I mean he's had his mess ups like oh let's see he's been around for maybe a cumlative 2 years out of 16 you know and then when he is here it's hell. I've spent 16 years figuring out stuff on my own and then all of a sudden this person wants to offer me advice and be my friend then when I try to come to him he only critisizes please I don't need that shit. I'm fine on my own. To tell the truth the only time I really felt I had a dad was this one time when I was little...my favoite figureine had fallen off my nightstand while I slept and I was crying. So he fixed it...found all the little pieces to recreate my little German Shepard Puppy again. Then after that he made me breakfast...yeah that's really the only good memory I have of him. Everything else is him yelling at me or critisizing me the occasional apology that didn't seem at all sincere. Then basically trying to forget everyhting and act like nothing happened.

Yeah in way of family I really don't have much of one. To tell the truth in my mind the people in Columbus are my family.Josh McCoy is like my dad or at least an older brother. Peter, Justin, Geimer, Junior, and Johnathan are like brothers trying to take care of me. Quita is definatly my mom or when she's busy Liz. Lum and Cat are like older sisters I look up to and admire. Then Nori would be the one closer to my age going dude and grr ever few seconds.

Yeah in my family I'm kinda the outcast like with my cousins they say I'm too serious. A few think I'm gothic and will shoot up a school. Another think I'm mute. Only one of them out of the 17 ever really pay me mind.Her name is Lily. The others are as follows Oscar who I haven't seen in years...I think he's gay but hey it makes no difference to me but I think his mom would disown him. Josepho, the oldest he slept around and had a sun at 19--I haven't seen him since I was 7 but he was really nice I remeber that. Then there's Lily-I haven't seen her since I was 14.Then there's Gusabito he's 19. He use to be handsome and sweet but he got married young and has a wife that's not too nice and now he drinks a lot and courts death and trouble like he once courted her Next is Liz Marie 18--she's a complete bitch to me. She has a size double d breast size and never misses an orputunity to make fun of my small chest. She also is about a foot shorter than me and no where near as slender. . After him is Jose Manwel he's 18 he got a girl pregnant and is now living with her trying to make ends met. Next is Rosalie 17 she's okay I guess...a prep cheerleader really.... Yeah then the younger kids me Nibo14, Raphele13, Ivelese11, Illiana9, sherlie 8, Celianie 6, Marie, 6 ben 6, and behensita 2 = 17. Yupe that's the gang in cousins anywho on one side anywho.

All this family and I feel alone...odd huh? I mean does anyone else feel lonely when among a large group claiming to be family but ultimatly being strangers? ::Sigh:: Such things are meant for a more wisedom ridden mind. I hate the holidays...espescially Thanksgiving and Christmas...everyone's like family and presents and joy...I'm like solitude and angst and depression you know? Ahh well to each his own you know...In case you're wondering...I don't know what my favorite holiday is...I don't think I have one.

yeah Final Fantasy X Love Lulu she's smart like Rikku too...Yuna is...okay. Seymour is tha best villan I swear he's so...yeah so in everything so perfectly wickes like in the trail when he's like hmm hadn't you heard?

Um bad American cartoons on today. Got me a little mad. This girl was confessing her love for a boy (she was a different girl you know like blend of all things Goth/Ska/ Otakon and other such coolness) and the boy picks the blonde preppy chick over her...she was (-) that big around you know and she had those "good clothes" fuckin Abecromie and Finch...and she was such a bitch while the different girl was sweet thoughtful and compassionate. And it seems that this girl the preppy one treated the boy badly and had left him several times. WHAT IS THE MESSAGE BEING SENT HERE. At face value it's choose somehting presentable you know but if you really read into it it doesn't mean that so but what 7 year old will read that deep....DIFFERENT PEOPLE ALWAYS GET SCREWED OVER!!! ::sigh:: damn American Cartoons...thank God For Anime.